Category: Uncategorized

  • Comparison: How We Can Work Together To Do Less Of It

    Comparison: How We Can Work Together To Do Less Of It

    I’m going to kick off this post with some food for thought, a quote by Theodore Roosevelt… “Comparison is the thief of joy.” When’s the last time you compared yourself to someone? It very well might have been recently, and that’s okay if it is.

    I’m writing this post because I think comparison can get the best of us all sometimes, and we can all fall victim to it at times. We have constant access to social media feeds and other’s highlight reels, other’s bodies, and other’s successes. How could we not feel low sometimes, or feel like “why can’t I be more like X?”

    Not only are there other people to compare ourselves to, but there’s comparison to our own selves. Looking at old photos, thinking of past times — it can get to your head and drive you mad. “I was so successful doing X a year ago. I was so skinny three years ago.” So, how do we work to stop doing it? I have a few ideas (with the help of some experts), and am hoping this can help us all to stop comparing in some way:

    1. Avoid mindless scrolling on social media. I think we can all use breaks from social media for our mental health, and this might be one way to stop comparing ourselves so much. When we mindlessly scroll, we’re opening ourselves up to comparison — that bikini shot, that cute couple, whatever it is — it could throw you off your path and make you think more negative things about yourself and your life. Don’t let it — I’m really trying to limit my social media use, because I’ve noticed it can totally affect my mental health without even realizing it.
    2. Remind yourself that people’s highlight reels shouldn’t be compared to your daily life. This is something I think about a lot — we’re all constantly exposed to people’s highlight reels of life, but we know the daily struggles we’re going through everyday. It’s not a fair comparison to subconsciously compare ourselves to people’s highlights, because everyone is going through stuff — we just don’t know about it all. This is a good reminder to just stop ourselves when we start going down the rabbit hole of comparison (and I think breaks from social media can help this, too).
    3. Encourage and boost others. In my opinion, people don’t need to be seen as “competition” in our lives — and the more we encourage others and boost their own confidence, the better we may end up feeling about ourselves. I love the recent movement of women supporting women, and I think it totally applies here. Instead of seeing a woman in her bikini looking incredible and thinking “Ah, I wish I had that body,” maybe instead say “Wow she looks great!” This is something I’m working on doing, because my body and my own journey shouldn’t be compared to others, it is my own and it is special. It shouldn’t be compared to another person’s success, it should be my own path — a path where I’m allowed to celebrate others’ successes, in addition to my own.

    I hope these short ideas helped in some sort of way, and I also hope you come out of this blog post ready to stop comparing! We got this.

    XOXO Kenzie

    Sources: Psychology Today

  • Getting “Ghosted”: How It Affects Our Confidence & How Do We Get Past It?

    Getting “Ghosted”: How It Affects Our Confidence & How Do We Get Past It?

    If you’re living in the world of modern dating, there’s no doubt in my mind you’ve been ghosted before. Ghosting is a relatively new colloquial dating term that refers to abruptly cutting off contact with someone without giving that person any warning or explanation for doing so. And even when the person being ghosted reaches out to re-initiate contact or gain closure, they’re met with silence.

    I was recently ghosted after a first date that I thought went extremely well — it’s kind of funny to think about actually. I totally thought this guy was going to reach out to me again, no question — and never heard a word. We were out for 6 hours, hit it off completely, he paid for everything, and there was no reason for me to believe I wouldn’t see him again. I was stunned. But I was recently listening to something that said a first date can go three ways:

    1. They want to continue dating you
    2. They just want to hook up with you
    3. They never want to see you again

    After dating a lot, I actually find this to be so true. This guy was definitely a number 2 for me — or maybe 3 haha — he just wanted to hook up and then never wanted to see me again. And that’s fine, dude.

    My take on it is that after one date, it’s okay. So, to the guy from Hinge who ghosted me after one, I forgive you. My issue is when you get past the first date and go to two, three, and beyond — and then you get ghosted. I do have a problem with that because I think it’s only fair to tell someone what’s going on — especially if they’re following up and looking for answers.

    What I want to talk about is how ghosting affects our confidence and things we can do to get past that self-doubt. Whenever I’ve been ghosted, I start to go down a rabbit hole of wondering what I did, what I said, what I looked like — the whole thing. But whenever I ghost someone (which I’ve only done a few times) — I feel like I want to save that person from hearing what I have to say. So I understand it from both sides. The reality is, we will never get our answer and we have to stop the voices in our heads saying we did something wrong, and just move on (easier said than done, I know).

    The key point I want to make here — is if you do get ghosted, try to remember that the person just wasn’t your person. Stay positive about yourself in the process. Get back on the horse and go on more dates. I think the thing I’m really starting to realize is my person will find me some way or another. All of these roadblocks and ghosts and shitty situations are only going to lead me to find what’s right for me. To all my single friends, I believe the same is true for you — so keep your head up!

    XOXO, Kenzie

  • Staying Positive About Ourselves Through the Challenges of Dating & Relationships in a Pandemic

    Staying Positive About Ourselves Through the Challenges of Dating & Relationships in a Pandemic

    I’ve said this to a lot of people over the last year or so — but dating in COVID is hard as hell.

    I’ll explain it simply: We are all navigating this weird time and had our lives turned upside down, and majority of us are even questioning what we want out of life. We all aren’t exactly ourselves mentally and truly just trying to survive and figure it out. We also haven’t been socializing like normal, so not only is there less content to talk about on dates (which has gotten slightly better lately), but it also seems near impossible to keep momentum going. I can’t explain it well enough to people who aren’t in it, but I promise you, if you’re in the same boat — I empathize with you. It sucks sometimes.

    But what I’m here to talk about is how we build ourselves up during what is quite possibly the most mentally taxing period of time for a single person on the dating scene. When a date goes bad, our minds instinctively go inwards — what did I do to drive them away? What didn’t I do? Is it something about me? Well, one of my prerogatives is changing this mentality to “THEIR LOSS” every time, but sometimes emotions get the best of us.

    For example, I went on a date recently where I kind of didn’t care about the outcome. I was feeling myself, didn’t know if I was interested in him, and didn’t care the outcome either way. I was flying high on my emotions at this point of my week.

    But then arrived a different date in the week, where I was excited about the guy I was out with. I truly hadn’t felt a spark or connection like that in a while, which was a GREAT thing in the moment, but has also led me down the dark path of overthinking. Now questioning if I did something wrong, was too much, ya know — the whole gamut. It hasn’t even been a week since the date, but that’s where we’re at — HA.

    But I’ve quickly brought myself down to earth with what I’ve mentioned above. POSITIVE SELF-TALK. 100% of the time in dating it is not about you, it’s about the other person. And to my original point, lord knows what anyone is going through during this hard time. To think anything further than that is a disservice to ourselves and our worth. It’s all about quickly refocusing on what’s important during dating– YOU. What you need, what you deserve, and that is everything of your wildest dreams in my book.

    To those of you in relationships, I equally empathize with you, as I can’t imagine the hardships you’re facing in your own right. No matter what, this time in our lives is taxing and emotional.

    This post is to remind ALL OF US that our self-talk is so important in these times. It’s so important to build ourselves up, continue to learn what we deserve (and DEMAND it), and continue to find our happiness — whatever that looks like.

    XOXO, Kenzie

  • Turning 30: Expectations, Reflections, and Looking Forward

    Turning 30: Expectations, Reflections, and Looking Forward

    After turning 30 this past weekend, I’ve been reflecting a lot on life. I remember thinking 30 was a very old person when I was younger (ha!), but now I’d beg to differ with my younger self. I personally think my life is just starting to take off, but I wanted to spend some time talking about the expectations I feel from society, reflections, and how I’m choosing to look forward.

    I was talking to my coworkers today and they asked me how my birthday was. OBVIOUSLY I responded that it was incredible to spend amazing time with family and friends. But I also told them that I turned the big 3-0 and that in our society, people put a certain negative stigma around turning it. Women are kind of expected to start thinking about children (because of our biological time clocks and because the generation ahead of us was WAY ahead of us by this point in their lives). Well, the reality is, I am single as a pringle. I live alone. And I am nowhere near to considering kids (and not even sure my path on the subject yet).

    But what I’ve been working on in the last few months, and even last year or so, is being present — and getting to know myself in the process. I’m not sure what I want out of life yet. But instead of dreading that and wondering where I “should” be in life, I’m excited to continue to figure out what my life means for me.

    30 to me feels like possibility. I have an established career, I am learning more about myself and falling in love with myself more each day, I am embracing independence like never before. I have so many things that I want to do and achieve, and I’m excited about these things. But being present means I don’t put pressure on what that looks like or when that comes.

    Do I want to find a life partner? I do think that I do. But until then, I’m not going to sit around and mope that I’m 30 and single. I’m going to embrace dating, random hookups, flirting with multiple people at once, and even experimenting with different kinds of people. I’m also going to embrace being on my own as much as possible. You can always find me at a wedding, flying solo, having the best damn time. I’m aware that some nights are harder than others, but the nights where I thrive on my own are so much more powerful to me.

    While I had an incredible 30th birthday, I also had to say a final goodbye to my best friend — my grandmother (who I call Gage). Gage has taught me so many things about life and I am so excited to live in her honor every day. She had a wild spirit like me and we shared so many similarities that I hold close. She is one of a kind. Gage wants the best for me and my life, and it put me at ease this weekend to know she’ll be looking down on me my entire life to make sure that I am enjoying it. This is something that also helped to carry me through my 30th birthday without expectation or judgement, just living.

    Cheers to 30 years young. And cheers to embracing life at whatever age we’re at, with no expectation of where you “should” be in life.

    XOXO, Kenzie

  • The Curve Confessions Is Back! (And Talking Fashion, Thoughts on the Term Plus-Size, & Brands I’m Loving)

    The Curve Confessions Is Back! (And Talking Fashion, Thoughts on the Term Plus-Size, & Brands I’m Loving)

    Wow, it has been a minute since I’ve posted to the blog! I hope everyone is staying happy and safe during this crazy time (that sometimes seems never-ending). The first topic I’m going to tackle on my big return is… fashion — every facet of it, good and bad.

    I remember the first time I had to shop through sizes bigger than a large. I was in the “normal” women’s section, clearly coming to the realization that I needed bigger clothes. I had just gained some weight and I was in need of sizes XL and above. So, I had to begrudgingly make my way over to the plus size section. I don’t even remember which store I was in, but I remember shuffling through those clothes so quickly, as not to be seen. But, why did I care about the sizes I was picking up? No one looks at the tags I have on, people just see me out in the world. 

    But to me at the time, it was discouraging and embarrassing. But that’s because of the pressure put on us from the media and social media. Because of these mediums, we are made to think that being a bigger size is a bad thing. And that’s because 2% of women shown in the media are plus-size. TWO PERCENT. When in reality, 67% of women wear sizes 16 and above (or, what they call “plus size”). So, we’re seeing people who aren’t really reality. But we are made to think they are.

    Why are these sizes carried in a separate section? Why are they given the egregious term, “plus-size”? Large and extra large have always had a negative connotation in our society. “I look large” is something constantly said by women when they’re not feeling good about themselves. And when people look thin, it’s celebrated beyond belief. 

    Lately I’ve been doing a lot of internal work on myself and my connection to my appearance. I’ve put too much emphasis on my appearance and my weight my entire life (something I blame on  a lot of factors), but I’m trying to dig deeper beyond my appearance, and no longer correlate my worth to my jeans or dress size. But it’s hard in a society that pushes this thin messaging on us, constantly. 

    If you look skinny, you’re praised. If you log into Instagram, you’re plagued with models with flat stomachs in two piece bikinis on some island in Greece. You stop to think for a second, even though you don’t want to, “Why can’t I have that?” “Am I enough?”

    You question everything. You question if you’re good enough, if you’re thin enough, if you have enough. You might even critique yourself in the process and start the negative self-talk at this point, aloud or in your head.

    What I want to do is continue to bring awareness to this through The Curve Confessions. So you and I can continue to check ourselves when we start that negative self-talk. And remind ourselves in those moments that we are enough. We are “hot” enough. We are doing enough. And we have everything we need within us. It’s not material things that make us happy, it’s our inner peace that does. And holy shit, has this year or so helped bring this to the forefront.

    I will cover this more in the blog in-depth, but just let this post be a reminder to you… you are enough just the way you are.

    While on the topic of fashion, I absolutely love fashion. I love expressing myself through my clothes and accessories. I love feeling sexy in what I’m in. So, here are a few brands that have helped me to do so that you can also jump on:

    Armoire – I discovered Armoire through my job, and am so glad that I did. Armoire is a fashion rental brand that allows you to rent, wear, and return clothes — it’s women-founded, size inclusive, and sustainable. Yes, that’s right — size inclusive! You take a quiz and it curates your feed to give you styles and sizes suitable to you. I’m loving it so far. In my last case, I got a Lily Pulitzer dress to wear to a wedding, and my new favorite piece that I wore to a rehearsal dinner (and actually bought myself for my 30th birthday celebration coming up). I have the 7 items per case subscription, but you can get less or more than that! Use my code at armoire.style/refer/kenziep to get 50% off your first month!

    Honeylove – This is a brand that I found through Instagram ads, and they have the best spanx I’ve ever encountered in my life. I love how they make me feel solid in my mid-section, which is a huge part of my confidence when I’m wearing tighter items. I don’t have a code, but man I recommend this brand. Here are the spanx I bought and wear religiously (I’m wearing them under my green bridesmaids dress for my sister’s wedding).

    There will be more where this came from, I promise! Let me know if you enjoyed this post or have any comments. So excited to be writing again! XOXO, Kenzie