Author: The Curve Confessions

  • “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best”

    “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best”

    Mistakes… we all make them. We make the wrong judgment call when it comes to an argument with a friend, we make a choice that isn’t the best for our wellbeing, or even worse–we do something that is harmful to ourselves and maybe even potentially life-altering.

    I’ve done all of the above, as have I’m sure many of you who are reading, too. But what I’ve been reminded of recently is that life isn’t a linear progression. You don’t just soar to the top with no bumps in the road, no lessons learned, and no life-changing moments. And if you think you do, then that just isn’t reality.

    I was recently having many great weeks in a row of progress in my life (after some really shitty weeks prior) and “kicking ass” — I felt absolutely unstoppable. I was like, wow, I’ve really turned my stuff around and am killing it! I was riding the high of where I was at at that moment, before quickly realizing it wasn’t going to last forever.

    Then swiftly arrives a mistake I made, letting someone toxic from my past back in momentarily. When it happened, I felt so incredibly low. I was embarrassed. I wanted to crawl in my shell and hide, and I wanted to just shy away from the way it made me feel about myself. I felt like I had failed all of the progress that I had previously been making.

    But then, that reminder came — “life isn’t a linear progression.” And I realized if every single mistake I made was going to drag me down so far, how is that even life? It’s not. Every mistake that I make builds me into the next step, the next thing, the next growing experience. So after carrying some shame around from that situation, I took the lessons it gave me — how bad I felt after it happened, how it tested me and my strength with that person that I needed to work on — and I flipped it into a learning moment.

    And this isn’t the only mistake I’ve made since then, but one example of many that our mistakes do not define us. We all make mistakes. We all have low moments. We all have things to work on. But it’s how we come out of these situations stronger that really defines us.

    It also made me realize it’s all about who is surrounding me and supporting me. I’m focusing on surrounding myself with people who accept me, even in my darkest and lowest times, knowing very well we will get stronger and better together. Those are the people I want around me. And those are the people I will continue to keep around me.

    We are in some hard times right now and I am there for you in whatever this post means to you and whatever mistakes you are making and learning from. I hope you keep your head up and keep learning and growing because that’s just life, my friend, and I am right here with you.

    “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

    XOXO,

    Kenzie

  • How (I’m Trying to) Practice Body Positivity in Quarantine

    How (I’m Trying to) Practice Body Positivity in Quarantine

    Since coming home a few months ago for what I thought would be a few short weeks with my family has quickly turned into staying put for the foreseeable future—with a scary, unknown situation unfolding in every which way around us. I am lucky enough to have a remote job that is not (currently) affected by this, but I know there are many people in less fortunate situations than me, or even working on the front lines of this pandemic. I absolutely feel for and empathize with everyone in the world fighting their own battles right now, and I can’t say that enough.

    I’ve contemplated what to write on my blog—if anything at all—during this time. And while I can’t provide answers to you on the pandemic, jobs, or anything else for that matter, what I think I can provide is a little realness about my own struggles with my body image during this time and how I’m working on being positive—in hopes it resonates with anyone else out there struggling. It’s fricken’ hard.

    We’ve all heard the jokes (or joked ourselves) about the impact this situation is having on our bodies. We are eating differently than normal—and if you’re like me, more frequently—and we are stressed AF in addition. There is no doubt our bodies can—and will—see fluctuations, and it feels hard not to fixate on that at times. Or at least for me it does.

    In my eyes, I can’t control a lot of things in this situation, but I do have control over how I talk to and treat myself. These are some things I’m trying to focus on in each day:

    1. Saying my positive affirmations aloud everyday. The mornings can sometimes be the worst. I wake up and might think, “Welp, here we go again.” So when I wake up, I’m trying to head straight into my bathroom to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself my positive affirmations, whatever those are. “You are smart, beautiful, and strong.” What do you need to tell yourself everyday? Make a list of whatever it is you need and say it out loud. Every day. I know I always preach about this—but right now, I think doing this for ourselves is more important than ever.
    2. Watching out for negative talk about food, and trying to turn it positive (if I can). Food is one of the things that brings us joy in these days, but there’s no question it’s bringing each one of us a different layer of guilt or shame. How many times have you said something negative about how much you’re eating, or how you’re going to “roll out of quarantine?” Yep, I’m guilty too. But we are in a stressful time and I’m really trying to watch out for this negativity. Instead of focusing on what I’m eating, the amount, whatever it is—why not focus on how grateful I am for positive things in my life right now? Like the fact that I’m home with my family, safe, etc. The food I’m eating or even how I’m spending my days doesn’t need to be a source of negativity. We’re all just doing our best, and we’re more than allowed to eat. I’m trying to stop shaming myself for doing so.
    3. Keeping things on my list every single day that make me happy and bring me joy, even on days when I don’t want to do them. Some days are harder than others. Some days I wake up with a more positive attitude and some days I just don’t. It’s a lonely, isolating feeling, and it’s unknown. I’ve learned that there are many things in my days that do make me happy—exercise (even if most of the time I don’t want to do it), calling friends and family to check in (even though there are seldom updates), writing (now’s a good time for me to finish my novel, right?), and other things that may even change as this goes on. Whatever those things are, I’m trying to constantly evaluate and find small ways to make myself happy in every day, which extends to my body both directly and indirectly. This week it might be TikTok-ing and reading, next week it might be painting—who really knows—but I will continue to look for what gives me joy each day and make my best effort to make it happen.
    4. Skipping stepping on the scale and trying on my jeans. It’s tempting, but focusing on our weight and appearances is the last thing we need to be doing right now (in my humble opinion). We are trying to survive, so we have to forgive ourselves if our goals aren’t on the fast track right now and our jeans are a little snug after all this (darn it, I didn’t even bring jeans home!). As tempting as it is to get caught up in our weight and what we “should” be doing with our bodies, to me it’s more helpful to focus on somehow incorporating movement into my day and staying as mentally positive as I can. My weight has nothing to do with that right now, so I’m trying my best not to let it.

    This list is by no means here to tell you I’m doing all of these perfectly—I’m certainly not. But I am trying to work on them every single day, and thought sharing with you all might resonate with someone out there.

    If you have your own strategies for staying positive during this time, please tell me! I’d love to hear from you.

    Stay safe, healthy, and don’t forget to show yourself the love and care you deserve during these crazy times. I know I’m trying, too!

    XOXO, Kenzie

  • 6 Months In A New City: The Good, The Bad, The Isolating, & How I’m Working To Love Myself More

    6 Months In A New City: The Good, The Bad, The Isolating, & How I’m Working To Love Myself More

    It’s insane to think I’ve now been living in New York for 6 months. Absolutely insane.

    In 6 months, I have seen both the greatest, and most difficult days to date. I’ve had days where I feel like I completely belong here and I’m on top of the world. I’ve had days where I didn’t know if I could get up and out of my apartment to face people. I’ve had days where I felt so lonely I wonder why I did what I did, and wondered if anyone even cares about me (crazy, I know). But moving to a new city can be completely isolating. And while exciting, some days I literally feel like I’m on an island.

    But I don’t think this only goes for people moving to a new city, I think it can happen anywhere. I used to be constantly surrounded by family and friends, and sometimes still even felt lonely. What I’ve learned is each day I have a new opportunity to do things that make me happy, make me feel better, and love myself more. So in the process, I’ve worked hard to love the absolute crap out of myself to get through some of the toughest days. Here are a few things I started doing:

    1. I started meditating. I downloaded the Calm app, and truly have been trying to meditate everyday. It’s really helping! My thoughts can get the absolute best of me sometimes, and in the craziness of each day, we don’t always spend time just sitting there with NO thoughts. Meditating sets me up for more calm and peace in my day, which is something I’ve realized I need. Badly.
    2. I’m re-prioritizing things that make me happy. Getting situated, settled, finding work, and all of the above have been a priority since moving. But, what about things that make me happy? I refocused on remembering things that make me happy and making them a huge priority; exercising, yoga, writing, reading, being around people, nights in, going to movies alone, dancing, trying new things – the list goes on! I’m trying to remember that in the daily grind of life, we still have to find time to do the things that make us happy. Simple but true.
    3. I’m practicing daily gratitude and daily affirmations. Right now, my daily affirmation is: You are strong, smart, sassy, & sexy! Sometimes feeling isolated can also have effects on my mental health, and by affirming these words out loud, I’m working on positive self talk and loving myself more. I also write down what I’m grateful for each week in my planner, which has been an amazing addition to my routine to keep myself feeling gratitude in each day.
    4. I’m reading more. This is another thing that eases my anxiety: reading. I’m challenging myself to read a book per month (though I’m hoping it’s more!) Reading expands my mind, calms me, and gives me more room for creativity, which makes me happier in my day to day. Send me your book recommendations!
    5. I’m giving myself grace. I’ve realized in the past 6 months that I put a ton of pressure on myself. I almost feel I’ve put pressure on myself to have some grand experience here, because of telling everyone my plans and dreams of moving to NYC. It makes for anxiety central when I have an off day, or I feel out of place, or whatever the case is. I’m trying to put less pressure on, and give myself grace. Live my life and be happy, but not cost myself my mental health because I want to achieve everything I’m dreaming of.

    Wherever you are, and wherever you’re at in life, just know that you are loved, you are enough, and you are not alone, my friend.

    XOXO, Kenzie

  • How I’m Choosing To Love Myself More Amidst My Holiday Slump (Including A Week Off Social Media)

    How I’m Choosing To Love Myself More Amidst My Holiday Slump (Including A Week Off Social Media)

    Oh, the holiday slump. It comes around for me every holiday season — and I never quite understand why. I’m surrounded by family and friends, I have so much to be thankful for, but why do I feel kind of down in the dumps?

    While I was home for Thanksgiving back in Chicago, it was my first time being back since moving to New York this past summer. It was a weird feeling having not been there for six months, and I’m not sure if I had some expectation for how it would go, or what — but I spent a week of quality time with friends, family, and everyone I’ve been missing for months on end. So it should have been the perfect trip, right?

    At the end of the week, I missed New York. That made me feel good — because it made me feel a sense of home, in my new home. But then I got back, and I just felt very ‘blah,’ as I like to call it.

    Sometimes, I think my expectations can get the best of me. I get so excited about things that it’s almost a let down when things aren’t feeling ‘perfect.’ Does anyone else feel that way? It’s hard for me to accept sometimes that things are just flat, and going okay (or even badly, ha). That’s how I’ve felt post-holidays — between work, personal things, and everything in between — and how I think a lot of other people might be feeling, so I wanted to talk about it. Because, it’s okay to be in a slump and feel a little down sometimes. To me, it’s how I get myself out of it and realign myself that’s important.

    Once I realized where my mental state was a few weeks ago, I started evaluating what was making me feel joy and what wasn’t. I realized social media was not bringing me joy at all. I was mindlessly scrolling, and it was making me feel extremely lonely. I also felt like I didn’t have anything to say on my blog, and it gave me more anxiety — what should I be posting, what should I be doing, etc. were all thoughts constantly running through my head.

    I decided to take a week off social media to cleanse myself a bit — in hopes I’d live in the moment more, think less, and not be on my phone as much. And it worked. My phone time went down 60%+… I was spending more like 1-2 hours on my phone each day, as opposed to something like 6-8 before… yikes! And not only that, I felt less anxious and lonely.

    I realized I need to set some new boundaries for myself when it comes to my social media use, which I will most definitely be doing. And in addition, my ‘holiday slump’ has made me even more focused on loving myself and doing things that make me feel good.

    This week, I went to a hip hop dance class with my best friend and it was insane – SO fun. I went to a movie by myself, which always helps clear my head. I finally started a crafting project in my room that I’ve been thinking about for a while but continually putting off. I bought Christmas presents. I went to my friends’ musical they were starring in. I went to tons of yoga. All of these things brought me joy, and I will continue to find ways to bring myself that feeling of joy, while also knowing it’s not always going to feel ‘perfect.’ And that’s okay.

    I hope even in the hard times, and the low times, you still love yourself and help yourself find the things you enjoy. And even though my expectations get the best of me sometimes, I will never stop getting excited about things and pushing towards what brings me joy and makes me happy. I hope you don’t either, and I hope you love yourself to the fullest, even in the times of a ‘holiday slump.’

    XOXO, Kenzie

     

  • 3 Things I Learned Moving to a New City

    3 Things I Learned Moving to a New City

    Holy cow — it’s been a minute since I’ve written a post! Life lately has been pretty wild — and I just hit about 4 months in NYC — so figured I was due for an update post on what’s been going on.

    But instead of just rattling through updates in my life, I thought it might be worthwhile to include my 3 biggest learnings from moving to a new city. Here goes!

    1. Being nervous and taking risks means growth is coming. I’m going to be honest, I’ve probably never been as stressed as I was than when I was preparing to move to NYC. There were so many unknowns, which gave me the ultimate anxiety in thinking about what my experience would be like and how I would do. But like one of my favorite quotes says – “no risk, no magic.” And that is absolutely true. I’ve grown immensely in these past few months — with no shortage of hard times — but that’s only because I put myself in situations that were scary (moving to a new city being number one!). And fast forward to now, I’m so glad I did. But the first step was taking the risk, which is absolutely the hardest part (but worth it!).
    2. Building a community is absolutely crucial. From the second I got to New York, I’ve worked my hardest to build a community. I got really lucky to land at a welcoming, supportive community at Orangetheory Fitness and have some friends and family already in NYC — but I’m also trying to go to new things where I might meet new people — like sports leagues, events, museums, etc. A few times throughout this journey so far I’ve questioned myself in why I left my “comfort zone” – a steady job, friends and family, and a place that felt like home. But for many many months, I was feeling like there was more out there and that I had to try something new — and New York was a place I could do that while chasing some of my dreams I was pushing off to the side for much too long. Some days, I’m not going to lie, I miss home and wonder why I made the decision I did. But the good days — where I see challenge, growth, and positive things happening — make it all worth it. And having a community there to support you makes it all worth it, too, which is why this is so important!
    3. Feeling lonely and lost sometimes is normal. As I mentioned above, some days I feel completely lost and lonely. I question myself and I question why I chose to move to a new city. But then I think back to when I had all these dreams of moving to NYC, writing my book, getting out of my comfort zone — and I remember why I made the plunge. My family and friends are dear to my heart everyday — and I always remember that. But trying something new definitely means lonely days will be there — and I’m learning to cope with it and truly appreciate the time I do have with loved ones and friends — old and new. I’m also working on reaching out when I’m struggling, which really helps. But main point here: it’s normal to feel lonely sometimes, no matter where you are. When I have those days, I remember what it takes to get me out of my slump, do my best, and move on to the next day.

    If you’re thinking about moving to a new city, here are the main questions I thought about (for years, honestly). I hope this is helpful in some way to someone out there who’s contemplating a big move (or did make a move)!

    1. Why do I want to move? Don’t forget, life is still life — so moving to a new city won’t “solve” anything that might be an issue in your current life. What it will do is bring those issues to the forefront, ha. I thought about why I wanted to move for years, and ultimately landed on the decision that I was going for it. But sometimes it’s not always the answer, and that’s okay!
    2. What city do I want to move to and why? I did my research and landed on NYC, but other cities might be a fit for different people. Think about your goals and dreams and how that city matches up. Talk to friends who live there about living recommendations, things to think about, etc. and make some visits so you really know you see yourself there. Then, it’s time to pull the trigger!

    Did you enjoy this post? Want to talk about moving to a new city, or life in general? DM me on Instagram @thecurveconfessions or comment on this post! I’d love to chat with you.

    XOXO, Kenzie